life with WE

Still rambling - day 2 - I mean enough's enough already, don't you think?

If anyone was curious, Elaine was absolutely brave yesterday and didn't cry for any of her FOUR shots.  So we celebrated with an overpriced PBJ from Panera (St. Louis Bread Company) and I have to say FIVE BUCKS FOR PBJ AND ORGANIC GO-GURT?  WTF?

Now.  I must get to getting.  My house = mess and chaos.  My camping supplies = half packed.  Two 20 pound bags of ice do not fit into ANY freezer.  Elaine = driving me crazy but luckily is now playing next door for a bit bless my neighbor's heart.  Ooh, and my tomato plants need staking which clearly I must do before camping because it is the utmost priority?

And again, broccoli?  I'm mad at you.  Quit falling over and no one told me you were a fall vegetable.  What the fook?

Also, I've got my panties in quite a bundle over the woman staging her abduction to take her daughter to Disney.  Clearly she needs help, but stuff like this pisses me off.  Waste of time, national attention and important police resources.  ARG!

Now, I should go drink something - water, vodka, wine, whatever - and chill out before continuing about my day!

And the rambles just keep a'coming!

Today Elaine goes for her five year old checkup.  At the pediatrician's office.  Where she will get s-h-o-t-s.  Yep.  She's been panicked about this since we registered for kindergarten.  It's just a couple of boosters, but it's been so long since she's had a shot, she's fuh-reaked out.  This should be an interesting morning.

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Also, I am going camping this weekend.  With Cub Scouts.  Me, more camping.  And for real, I'm excited!  I mean, who knew?  This time, we're camping in a tent, with the role of Mike being played by my sister Jessie as Mike is in Minnesota and who in their right mind would take 2 kids camping alone?  Only a crazy person, and people, I am medicated, so I KNOW BETTER.  It's supposed to rain Saturday night.  Fooking awesome.  Can't wait for that part.  Bunch of first grade boys who want nothing more than s'mores and raint that won't allow a fire.  Should be awesome.  Here's hoping the weather service is WRONG.  (fingers crossed)

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Speaking of rain, WHAT IS UP THE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF RAIN LATELY?  I mean woo - I don't have to water my garden, but boo, my poor broccoli plants are about to fall over.  And the muddy paw prints from Truman.  And the amount of children playing in my house because they can't play outside.  And the length of the grass in my yard.  And the standing water on said grass - like a swamp.  It's complete with frogs!

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Also, just curious.  About what age do you suppose my kids will be when they realize that neither Mike nor I 'stay upstairs' the moment they go to bed?  It's always the request from each of them.  "Will you leave my door cracked and will you stay upstairs?"  And we say yes, but we mean no, because for real, you can't hold us hostage upstairs.  I've tried before to be honest, but then they freak and have bad dreams before even falling asleep.  It's easier to lie.  And no, this is not a lesson I plan on teaching my kids.

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You know what rocks?  Fresh mozzarella, tomatoes and basil.  With olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Had it yesterday.  Plan on having it again today.  It's like a taste of summer or something!  You best get yourself some stat.  (And this editor does not know how to spell mozzarella.  It just kept underlining it with no suggestions.  Peeps, I looked it up, I spelled it right!)

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Have you ever mowed your lawn and finished moments before it starts to rain?  And the humidity while mowing is unbearable, and you are sweating like a pig?  Sweating so much that your eyelids are sweating?  I bet you can't get botox there to stop sweating.  I miss my pit botox.  It rocked.  Damn insurance.

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Have you ever wondered if I right these in the midst of a crazy 'I need adult interaction' phase?  Because yeah, I do.  What's it to you?

Bloody mary - but not the drink

Warren had "a bad thought I can't get out of my head" last night.

Which, I have to say, is progress.  He used to tell me he'd had a bad dream before he'd even fall asleep.  I kept telling him, it's a bad thought, not a bad dream.  And finally, success.  Well, if that's success.  Anywho.

While riding on the bus Tuesday he heard Ryan talking to Adam about 'Bloody Mary'.  And Warren believed every word of it and was freaked out.  I reassured him that it doesn't work, it's a trick, and it's been around as long as mom.   He calmed after a bit, and we talked about other good things to distract his brain. 

This morning at the bus stop I laughingly mentioned 'Bloody Mary' to Ryan's mom and she had no clue what I was talking about.  I think we're the same generation, but perhaps not.  She of course knew light as a feather, stiff as a board, but Bloody Mary - no such luck.

Do you know the Bloody Mary bit?

It's when you go into a completely dark bathroom with only a candle for light.  You then face the mirror and chant 'Bloody Mary' ten times.  At that point, she's supposed to appear in the mirror.  Of course, the potential for this to happen FREAKED ME OUT as a child and I could barely make it through the ten times without wetting myself, but alas, nothing happened.

Shouldn't the kids these days have their own things?  I mean they already use our bubble gum bubble gum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?

PS - totally found Bloody Mary on wikipedia.  Check it out here.

We like to play at recess. The End.

I have this boy who LOVES to learn.  He loves school.  Can't get enough.

When he's not at school, he's asking questions about anything and everything around him.  Most of which I don't mind answering.  Except of course when he doesn't believe me and asks that I "double check that on the google on the computer and then show him".

So why is she writing about this?

Because we are having our first tastes of lazy and not liking hard work.  And I gotta tell you - it's not only annoying, it's disappointing.  Hopefully, this too shall pass...

For instance, we've known for over a week that Warren needed to write a 5 page book for his final homework project.  A book about first grade.  A book with one sentence per page minimum.  So five whole sentences.  Which apparently sounds to Warren like FIVE WHOLE SENTENCES WHICH WILL TAKE YOU TWO YEARS TO WRITE AND YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO FUN STUFF LIKE LEGO STAR WARS ON Wii CLEARLY YOUR PARENTS AND TEACHER HATE YOU.  I suggested we do a page a night and thus we'd finish with time to spare.  He agreed.  And here's how it went each and every freaking night.

W: What do I write?
Me: It's YOUR book.  What do you want to write about?
W: I don't know.  Just tell me what to write.
Me: Seriously dude.  You said you wanted to write about your friends.  Pick a few friends and what you like to do with them.
W: Okay.  I pick Kid1, Kid2 and Kid3 and we like to play at recess.
Me: Great, let's write about that.
W: I'm just going to write that we like to play at recess.
Me: Really?
W: What? (banging head on table now in desperation)
Me: How about at least two sentences one of which is sort of long?
W: But I don't want to, arg!

And so on.  Of course, there were backward letters at times, poor penmanship, and no spacing between words.  All of which I made him correct.  Which is clearly the equivalent of beating him over the head while telling him there is no such thing as Santa Claus.  I'm evil I tell you.

I know he wants to do well.  I know its the end of the school year.  I KNOW!

What I know most is that we turned that book in today and my God I could not be happier!

For real, they're baaaaack!

New baskets, same occupants.

Wassup bitches?  I'm back baby!
I'm building nests and laying eggs in your basket!  By the way, dig the pink petunias- way better than last year's purple.  Looks like you've been working hard on these.  Too bad I'm about to ruin them with poop and babies.  Hey, have you seen my husband?

Why yes, yes I have.  He dive bombed me on my way out the front door this morning.  Thanks so much.


Quit stalking me with your telephoto lens you paparazzi!  I'm taking over that basket and there's NOTHING you can do about it.

National Lainey awareness week.

The last day of preschool.  Yep, it's today.

Preschool graduation is tonight. 

And then the week of Lainey will officially have ended.  (Birthday last Wednesday, party on Sunday, and graduation today.)

Shweh.

I hope someone lets her know.  And by someone, I DO NOT mean me.

The pink fluffy stuff.

I'm pretty sure I was nursing a sugar hangover yesterday. 

We (for some random reason) have big parties for fifth birthdays.  So for Elaine's, we rented a bounce house and invited the entire preschool class PLUS a few extra five year old friends!  The bounce house was an obstacle course with a slide - which was sweet.  Of course, cake and ice cream were served.  But we added to the sugar rush by also renting a cotton candy machine.

Oh I'm not kidding.  It was a full size, carnival regulation type cotton candy machine!  And my sister Jackie and her boyfriend were the carnies making the cotton candy.  There was some wind kickin' it, so by the end of the party we all had a bit of sugar all over us.

Um yeah, bouncing, sugar and more sugar.  Good stuff.  Makes for a great party.  Toss in Jessie doing temporary tatoos and you're good to go!

Just ask Warren who at last count had devoured about 6 rounds of cotton candy.  (I'm guessing it was a lot closer to 10 by the time it was all said and done.)  Does he look a little 'over stimulated' to you? 

 

Apparantly he didn't think so, because then he stole a coke and slammed it.  Whatever, your sister only turns five once.  And they both slept like CHAMPS Sunday night.  WOO HOO!

Mondays are for days off

Totally taking a day off.

Elaine's birthday was Wednesday.  Her party was this Sunday.  At our house - in our backyard.  Bounce house, cotton candy, cake, ice cream, a lot of five year olds...  Her preschool graduation is this Wednesday night.

It's been all Elaine all the time!

And I'm tired.  From mulch, and weed pulling, and house cleaning, and the above mentioned party.

And my new book is here.  And yeah - break day.

The end.

My mother and your mother were hanging up the clothes. My mother punched your mother right in the nose!

Sometimes you have to correct things.

For example, yesterday all our kids (neighborhood kids) came home from school singing this silly song while doing this hand thing that looks like to loggers sawing a log in half.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag, Michael Jackson is my dad.
Coca-cola burned his butt, now he's drinking 7UP...."
And there's more but I can't remember it.

Well they started that this morning at the bus stop.  And all I could think is that 1 - that was probably not started with the word 'dad'.  I'm thinking a hateful slang term was used in place of it that rhymes with flag.  So glad they have moved on from that and I don't have to correct the poor word choice!  And 2 - it wasn't Coke, it was Pepsi, and it was his HAIR not his butt.

SO.  Never one to keep quiet, I corrected the kids on the #2 portion.  They all looked at me like I was a crazy person and said, "nah, it was coke" and I wanted to argue but then I realized..FIRST GRADERS DON'T KNOW NUTTIN ABOUT NUTTIN.  AND THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MICHAEL JACKSON IS!

I wish I had my thriller tape right now.  And my poster from Teen Beat with Michael sporting his glitter glove. 

Ooh and last night I saw a kid at our cubscout pack meeting ask Warren to spell "icup (eyecup)".  Warren refused.  But the kid next to him agreed.  I-C-U-P.  "Get out of the bathroom and quit looking at me!"

Seriously, kids these days need to come up with their own stuff.

Bubble gum bubble gum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?

Don't talk in my mean tone only I get to!

This morning, I'd had it.

The kids were fighting with each other, speaking hatefully, talking back to me, complaining, bossing, being lazy, tattling ... and lots of other annoying things.  They feel like everything is open for debate.  Guess what?  It's not.  They feel entitled to everything.  Guess what?  They're not.

I became so disgusted with them that I lost it.

(And for real, after I typed that last sentence I remembered that I needed to pick up my zoloft for today so I shut er down and went to Walgreens.  I'm back with zoloft and drinking coffee.)

They had it coming.  For real.  It's been days of this.

I told them to turn off the tv and go to their rooms.  I then calmly finished my breakfast and went upstairs for the "discussion".  You should see me when I make them have a pow-wow.  I bust out the business voice I require eye contact and blah blah blah nothing ever changes!  But I mean it this time.  As I told them I would not tolerate this kind of behavior Elaine started to giggle.  I silenced her with eye daggers.  I said that the next time they acted like this they would lose an hour of screen time - computer, tv and wii.  Warren burst into tears and told me "that's not fair!  It's Elaine, she was being a jerk!" 

Well, that start a tirade of me telling them they did not have a right to those things and we had a houseful of toys and if they weren't going to play with them I'd happily donate them to kids without toys and quit tattle taling and your sibings are your friends for life and treat each other with kindness and do you hear the tone of my voice, I hate this tone don't make me use it again, and I am the mom and have the right to use this tone when I need to, you do not, and I'm pretty sure I told you already to brush your teeth...

Needless to say Warren was happy to get the f out of here and go to school.  And I need to find it in myself to stick to my guns and bust them the first time every time they act like that.  BUT I also need to find a way to control my tone and say nicer things during the day so that I'm not only saying negative things/correcting situations.  ARG, being a parent is quite...frustrating/a pisser/crappy/hard/you name it.

I've had it. 

It's going to be a long summer isn't it?  Oy..........