Dear My Fitness Pal,
Look. I know you. You are a valuable tool when trying to watch your caloric intake and track your weight and hopefully your weight loss. And I've been on and off your bandwagon for quite awhile now. But this time, THIS TIME, I made a promise. To myself, and then I said it out loud to Mike; so it's pretty much a done deal. For at least 30 consecutive days, I'm going to enter every bite I take. (Who's singing that to every breath you take? Besides me? Anyone, anyone?) I will also enter every move I make - okay I should have said run or workout, but I was in a Sting mode. And even if it's bad; you know, bad food choices and no activity - I promise I will enter it.
Like yesterday, for instance. Yesterday? I really, really wanted to lie to you. Not lie to your face; just one of those lies of omission. It was um, not a great day My Fitness Pal. I'm just gonna go ahead and put that out there. Oh, nothing was wrong emotionally or personally. I was just HUNGRY. As in, I will eat your face off hungry. And I wanted to just ignore you and not enter what I ate, but I gave in. I sat there and clicked and selected and admitted and UGH. When I 'completed my entry' you told me straight up what would happen if I everyday was like today. Um yeah, it wasn't good. It wasn't, "you'll be a skinny godess if you keep this up" that's for sure.
Sometimes, I wish you would lie to me! Sometimes, I wish you would say, "dang girl. You were all kinds of hungry today. That's all right, just roll with it and move on." Sometimes, I wish you would say, "bam! You just got it! Ice cream is the superfood that is the key to success! It fights off colds, germs and cancer! It makes you think and strong and muscular!" But you don't. You give it to me straight and you don't make up stories. You're a straight shooter, My Fitness Pal. Never let it be said that you aren't. But you know what? You're not that nice. Oh, you're not mean, per se. You're just blunt. Layin' it all out there, calling me on my nonsense.
I particularly like in the past when you were all, "Jennifer hasn't logged in for three days. Looks like she could use some encouragement." I know what that's code for My Fitness Pal. Translation: "Jennifer needs her ass kicked. Someone call that chick and bust her, would you? 'Cuz I'm just a program and I can't get a hold of her myself or I totally would. And ohmygawd can we talk about how annoying it is that she has to re-lose some of the weight she already lost? That girl!"
My Fitness Pal? We will make it through this thirty day goal I have set for myself come hell or high water. (Why do people say that?) And then I think I should get some sort of chip - for my 30 days. Oooh chips. Maybe I should get chip chips. Did you know, My Fitness Pal, that for awhile I replaced my love of scones with Billy Goat chips? My Fitness Pal, they are delicious. But you wouln't know, because I did that before I got back on the wagon. And when I made the 30 day logging resolution; I included a clause for myself prohibiting scones and billy goat chips.
But we didn't say squat about ice cream, did we? Oh My Fitness Pal, I may have eaten it already, but I told you about it. And you told me what would happen. So we're even. Jerkface. You are the jerkface. Well, me too. Sorry.
I love you and I hate you.
You're the best! Hugs and kisses! And also stabbing!