Yesterday I was knee-deep in a ‘woe is me, life is so hard, I’m getting depressed, I'm so overwhelmed’ type of funk. And yes, it is all understandable; however, it doesn’t mean it’s NOT annoying. It is. And I hate it. I really hate when I annoy myself.
This morning, my alarm went off at 4:55 AM to meet my cousin to run. I had already bailed on her Wednesday because I had insomnia Tuesday night worrying about my dad. I have eaten like crap with a capital C since Tuesday. Yes, I do enjoy eating my feelings. I am totally an emotional eater. And an I love food eater. And an I love food that is super fatty and oh so delicious eater. I’m so hungry! Where was I? Oh yeah, alarm. I was about to get up to text her that I wanted to sleep. Instead I thought of my dad. When it’s time for his chemo treatment at four AM, he doesn’t get to say, “nah, I’d rather sleep.” So I got myself dressed and headed out the door.
As we ran, my head cleared. I do have a lot on my plate, and I’m worried about my dad. The things on my plate will get done. My dad has to go through this to beat it, and he will. And when we ended our run near the grade school where we park, there was a sign for an American Red Cross Blood Drive. It will be held this evening from 4-8 pm.
That sign is a sign.
For me anyway. My tasks will get done. My family is what’s important. And at this moment? Dad trumps the rest of it. On a day to day basis, there’s not a lot I can do, except think positively, visualize him fighting, and pray. I can worry - but that does me no good and makes nothing change. The blood drive? I can absolutely donate blood. Though it might not go directly to my dad, it will help replenish a small amount of what he’s needed from the American Red Cross blood bank throughout this ordeal (and may continue to need, who knows?). So that’s what I’m going to do today after work.
Then, I will tackle my plate. Not my food plate – oh I’m so hungry, but my plate of To Dos. And they will get To Done.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.