life with WE

List maker cannot pack.

I am the worst packer ever.

Do you know what I excel at?  Making lists.

We are going camping this weekend, and I am excited.  We've camped before, so I've packed for this before.  I hate overpacking but I equally hate not having something we need.  So I'm stalling.

I've started about 5 lists of things not to forget and then thrown them away.  I've started lists of my to-do's before Elaine's birthday party.  I've practically got lists coming out of my  hoo ha yet I have nothing packed. 

Oh it'll all get done.  And we'll likely have too much but we'll still be missing something.  That's how it goes.

Are you a great packer?  Always have just the right amount of clothing and whatnot?  Or do you overpack and say "screw 'em - too much is just right?" 

Do you want me to make a list for you?  Let me grab my favorite papermate blue pen and I'll be write over... get it?  Write?  HAHAHAHA.

Don't text and drive.

Did any of you see that video this AM on the news with the bus crashing into the SUV?  The driver of the SUV is okay. 

If you missed it, it's here.

The driver of the bus was texting while on the highway.  He was texting for a full six minutes and did not realize that traffic on the highway in front of him was stopped.  So he crashed full force into an SUV. 

I'll admit, I'm guilty of trying to text and drive on occasion.  But for real now, I'm done with that.  Text only while stopped in your car.  K?

I think he knew I was writing about him.

Wouldn't you know it?  I trash talk Warren in the blog yesterday and BAM, he comes home a new kid.  Do you think they let him read my blog at school?  I'm sure all the first graders are all about life with WE.  I mean who wouldn't be?

I kid you not he came home with a great attitude.  Then he unloaded his backpack and got straight to work on his homework - doing the entire week's worth in the matter of an hour.  He hadn't even eaten a snack yet and people, that is generally his #1 priority.  I walked in the kitchen at one point and asked how it was going.  He replied, "good!  I haven't even had my snack yet and I'm almost done with my homework for the week.  Wouldn't you say that's on the ball?"  Yes, yes I would.

So see, my kid is in there.  He's in there; he just won't always show himself to me.

Now I'm scared that if I write great things about him he'll come home all kind of angry and full of tude.  So, I'll just call him a jerk today again for fun, hoping it works out in my favor!

I love you you little jerk! 

 

Woman, put the camera down.  I am not Elaine, I don't like posing and smiling for pictures.  Got it?

Just can't help loving that little jerk of mine.

Warren has been a bit of a hmmmm.  Let's see, it's hard to find the right word to describe your son, whom you love, but who's attitude is sending you straight over the edge of reason.  Warren has been a bit of a jerk lately.  And I say that because I love him and I know he's NOT a jerk and I'm not sure why he's acting like a jerk, but if this is any indication of how big of a jerk he may become when he's a teenager - well then HOLY HELL I AM GETTING OUT OF HERE.

I'm not sure what it's about - testing his limits, finding his voice, needing to control his anger...  Whatever it is, it's brutal.  You can't see it coming, but when it comes it doesn't disappear quickly.  The jerk tude rolls in and enjoys the long ride; leaving me scratching my head and wondering where my sweet boy is.  I know he's in there - I get glimpses of him.  I see him when it's bedtime and he needs the kiss and hug.  I see it when he's nervous or worried and needs my reassurance.  I see it when he smiles at me out of the blue.

For now, I have store those glimpses to make it through the next tude arrival.  Stockpile them and recall them before I lose my cool.  And hope that like his thumbsucking, this too shall pass. 

Meanwhile, I'll double up on zoloft and keep fully stocked in red wine.

Happy belated birthday Earth!

Yesterday was Earth Day.  Did you do anything special?  (It was also my father in law's birthday - Happy Birthday Butch!)

We participated with the kids in Nickelodeon's Big Green Help power down for earth day.  Nickelodeon, which as you know is a god of sorts to my children, prompted it's fans to participate in a 'power down'.  At 8:00 pm, CST you were to power down for one minute - and their power down is turning off all your lights. 

My kids, particularly Elaine, have been learning about Earth day this week.  Elaine is on the ball about recycling, picks up trash in parking lots, and got on me about throwing my gum out the window.  "Mommy, gum sticks to the Earth and makes it dirty and it's hard to clean up!"  Warren saw that we should turn off the water while we brush our teeth.  Now we all do that.  We're trying to be better about turning off lights and not leaving things on.

So to encourage more of this behavior, we powered down for four minutes.  The kids loved it.  I suggested we try this for at least a minute each day.  We'll see if we can do it.  We made it for four minutes yesterday and that was just the first day! 

I saw a lot of commercials/ads yesterday begging us to unplug appliances we aren't using.  Including computers.  I want to know, do you power down your computer each day and unplug it?  I can unplug things like lamps we don't use and the coffee maker when I'm not using it.  Perhaps that will help?  What are your thoughts about this unplugging business?

(PS, if you were curious - still using the cloth napkins and loving it!)

She talks to Lonza

I love listening to my daughter talk to herself.

While folding laundry in the kitchen (what, you don't do that?) I can hear her having full on conversations in the family room.  I'll creep up as silently as I can and try to observe her for a moment, wishing I had a charged camcorder ready with a blank dvd in it (oh if wishes were fishes).  I can't catch every word she's saying, but she's standing behind the couch and waving her hands and her face is animated and I get caught up in it.  Sometimes I ask her who she is talking to.  Her most recent answer has been "Lonza and Monza, they are sisters and their names rhyme."  Most times though, I don't interrupt her.  I prefer to soak this all in from the sidelines.

I remember doing this as a child.  I remember talking out loud to friends who weren't there.  Roller skating in the basement talking to myself; keeping my voice down so that I would not be heard over the 8track I was skating to.  (That 8track by the way was either BTO, Yes, Styx or Black Sabbath.  That's right.)  Pretending I was rich, had a pony and an Olympic sized pool.  And my friends were over to hang out.

Elaine loves to talk to herself while swinging as high as she can on the swing.  That too brings back memories.  When my sisters wouldn't play with me, I would swing alone for what seemed like hours.  Reciting poems, singing - all of it.  Feeling as if I could fly, knowing the world was full of  opportunities and wondering what I would choose.  Watching Elaine, I am brought back in time.  It's not her on that swing.  It's me.  My pigtails are blonder, but the voice is the same.  I want to interrupt to go hang with her, to ask her questions and know what her dreams are.  But to savor these moments, it's best to observe from the outside.

Of course, what would be awesome is if I would charge the damn camcorder and practice my stealth creeping.  Then I could rewind and savor the moments at will.

Who will be the next Jenny funny quote?

Lately I've been missing something.  And I couldn't figure out what it was.

Crazy pills - check, taking them.
Coffee - check, drinking it.
Kids - check, accounted for and driving me crazy
Husband - check, working hard for the man.

And then it hit me.  I'm missing a funny quote in my head to get me through the day.

Oh for awhile I was on a Bon Qui Qui kick.  "Girl I cut him.  Girl yes I did."  "Oh, is that what you had said?' "Sakurity!"  And let's face it, I still love the Bon Qui Qui.  But, I need more.

Prior to Bon Qui Qui, it was Liz Lemon's "I want to go to there".  Which is still so very awesome, and so very appropriate each and every time she uses it.

The thing about a good quote is that when you say it to yourself, you have to be able to giggle.  Not just laugh, but a really good giggle.  And people should look at you and wonder "what is up with that chick"?  If you tell them, fine - but most likely they won't find it nearly as funny as you.  So why bother?  Unless they've seen the show, heard the line or whatever; then you must MUST share the quote with them.

Well I need me a new quote.  So I started thinking of my favorite TV show which does not start up again until the fall.  FX's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Now this show, my dear friends, is not for the faint of heart.  But for the cult following that I am a proud member of, episodes of these shows can be found on hulu.com or on the FX website.  They get funnier and funnier each time you watch them.  Green Man, The Night Man Cometh, The Gang Goes to the Prom, Who pooped the bed - all fabulous.  While searching, I found many a tshirt with Always Sunny quotes on them.  Oh how I love a funny tshirt and wish I could justify spending 20 bucks on any one of them.  (Of course I couldn't buy the ones with the word Bitches on there, because you know, I have kids and all.  But oh how I want one.)  Perhaps instead of a quote, I should channel Dayman - fighter of the Nightman, or Greenman - Greenman is totally saving my life right now. 

For now, I'm going to think about it.  When I've got one, I'll let you know.  Any suggestions of good quotes (that are clean) from Always Sunny?  Leave them in the comments.  Until then, I'll test this one out: I'll slap your face off your face!

Ouch.

I randomly turned on The Apprentice last night. 

Um yeah.  Does it make anyone else want to cry when they see Joan Rivers' face?

Don't get me wrong - she's Joan Rivers.  She's clearly a success - she has a small QVC empire, she's an author, she's a comedienne.  But honestly Joan - the amount of plastic surgery.  It hurts.  It hurts to look at her.  I'm afraid to smile because it might make her smile and make her eyes pull even tighter and then she won't be able to see.  She's 76 years old (at least that's what her daughter said on the show).  A face at 76 should not be so tight that it looks as if her bones could pop out at any moment. 

I fear a cheekbone is going to bust out.

Is it just me?

Check it out for yourself here.

Uuffff.

I'll try to have something to say later.  I am moving too slow this morning and I have to get to E's parent teacher conference by 8:30.  Oy.

And in my head I'm singing a song from the new penguins of madagascar cartoon.  King Julian singing about an egg named JJ.  "Me and my JJ something something all night and all day day!  He'll be regally, he'll be legally mine."

Please don't leave me coffee. Please.

If you were to google 'green tea vs coffee' you would find that green tea offers A WORLD OF BENEFITS as opposed to coffee which just offers a small country's worth of benefits.

If you were to talk to my brother in law Rusty, he would also sing the praises of green tea.  And he would testify as to how he kicked a major coffee habit by replacing his coffee with green tea.  He suggested making it stronger to get the caffeine kick.

And so, I thought I'd try.  Because 1 - the research.  Who doesn't want better health?  2 - I like tea.  3 - I knew how much coffee Rusty used to drink and if he can switch then so can I.  And 4 - who doesn't like a new challenge.

Here's what I have to say.   GREEN TEA CAN SUCK IT. 

And Rusty, I have no idea how you have replaced your morning coffee with green tea.  Because really?  REALLY?  It's just so not the same.  It's weak -  like the Ukraine.  (And I'm quoting Seinfeld here, I have no real feelings on the Ukraine, m'kay?)  You Rusty, are a better man than I am.  Tougher in the caffeine department at least. 

Now I will say that green tea is great.  I like the taste but then again I like tea.  HOWEVER, having said that - it cannot replace my morning coffee.  Cannot.  Perhaps it'll be a good evening drink while reading my new favorite book.  Or while watching The Office.  But for real - replacing my morning coffee with green tea?  NEVER NEVER NEVER again.

I'm so sorry I cheated on you coffee.  I've learned my lesson.  Please don't leave me.  And green tea, perhaps I'll see you in the afternoons or evenings, when caffeine is so unnecessary.

Spoken like a true addict,  no?